Sock Gnome & Other Assorted Villains
I don't remember where I heard of the Sock Gnome or even how the topic came up, but let me tell you, I'm a believer. The little bastard has been plaguing me for most my life. Until now I've written it off as one of those random acts of violence so many talk about when they discuss international politics but no more. I've finally realized that it's all a conspiracy. A conspiracy of socks...and Germans...perhaps some Carnies also...
For some reason unknown to me I have no socks that match. None. I have baskets upon drawers upon piles of socks all over my house and yet none of them match. They're all white socks and yet none of them match. How does that happen? Why does that happen?
I even tried buying socks with little color-coordinated toes in pretty pastel hues so as to make sorting socks easier. It didn't. I only have one sock with purple toes and one with pink. I bought two plastic baggies of each color and now I have no idea where the others went. My only explanation is that the goddamn Sock Gnome has it out for me and has alligned itself with those who stand against me and all I stand against...which is mostly miming.
Let me just add him to the long list of people/gnomes I'm convinced are involved in the international conspiracy against me...and my hatred of mimes.
THE LIST:
Sock Gnome
My French Teacher
The Vagina Monger
My Doctor and her penchant for ass shots
The Writers of the O.C.
Republicans
The Work Troll
My boobs
Santa (He tried to get me to take my shirt off once.)
The guy who hit my car & ran
The entire security staff at my college
Chris
All those rich kids on "My Super Sweet Sixteen"
All Carnival Folk
Most (But not all) Germans
Mimes
For some reason unknown to me I have no socks that match. None. I have baskets upon drawers upon piles of socks all over my house and yet none of them match. They're all white socks and yet none of them match. How does that happen? Why does that happen?
I even tried buying socks with little color-coordinated toes in pretty pastel hues so as to make sorting socks easier. It didn't. I only have one sock with purple toes and one with pink. I bought two plastic baggies of each color and now I have no idea where the others went. My only explanation is that the goddamn Sock Gnome has it out for me and has alligned itself with those who stand against me and all I stand against...which is mostly miming.
Let me just add him to the long list of people/gnomes I'm convinced are involved in the international conspiracy against me...and my hatred of mimes.
THE LIST:
Sock Gnome
My French Teacher
The Vagina Monger
My Doctor and her penchant for ass shots
The Writers of the O.C.
Republicans
The Work Troll
My boobs
Santa (He tried to get me to take my shirt off once.)
The guy who hit my car & ran
The entire security staff at my college
Chris
All those rich kids on "My Super Sweet Sixteen"
All Carnival Folk
Most (But not all) Germans
Mimes
Labels: Completely Unrelated Rantings
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on 17.11.06 at 9:10 PM.
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