Punching the Vagina Monger
There's this chick in my class. I can't stand her. Seriously. She's one of those people who make you want to do one of three things:
1. Punch her in the fucking vagina.
2. Shove pointy objects into your ears until you can't hear anymore. (Which just leaves you staring at her.)
or
3. Paying a dark, international mercenary to abduct her in the night and sell her to some burly eskimos to gut fish for the rest of her life in fucking Antartica.
Yes, friends. She is one of those people. It's probably her "quirky attitude" that gets to me. Or her overall perkiness no matter the day, time or situation. No. Wait, I know why I can't stand the girl. She won't fucking shut her mouth. Ever. Her jaw is continually flapping no matter if someone is listening or not.
This is my 2nd class with the girl and she's managed to talk over the Prof both times. The first class was fortunetly a music class I didn't really care for and so I skipped. Actually I think I went to it three times for three tests. Ta dah! A's all around.
But this class is all discussion and everything that comes out of her mouth has some weird catch phrase. It's not as it she's some perky blond. I'm immune to them having grown up in Omaha, but this one...no...I could never get used to her.
She's a hippie. Now, I'm not Cartman. I don't hate all hippies. But this one. This one I hate.
She's always wearing some knit scarf that looks like she pulled it out of the garbage and drinking coffee out of a little foam cup, arguing about women's rights and quoting alternative music. Normally, I'd have no problem with these things. (I'm all for women's rights but Femi-Nazi's like her make me want to take away their Vagina-Cards.)
Plus. Plus! She never shuts up! (I said this already didn't I...) The second week of class I was sucessfully tuning her out when she suddenly jumped up, marched to the front of the class and demanded that our 70-year-old Santa-looking Prof give her a high-five. He just sort of stared at her for a few moments as she kept repeating, "Don't leave me hangin'. Don't leave me hangin'." And then eventually gave her what she so desperately wanted, the attention of the entire class.
Then the other day we were discussing the sovereign rights of women in Islam and whether they should veil or not veil, when someone said, "If it's hot they should be allowed to take off whatever they need to." (Not the brightest point of the discussion but whatever.) When she started singing, "It's gettin' hot in here. So take off all your clothes." Then she did this little shimmy. ...ahem... And then I fought back the vomit.
Never mind that the chick was wearing a shirt that said, "Would Jesus use nuclear weapons?" (That was enough to irritate me) but she was singing Nelly and gyrating in her chair. The whole class again paused momentarily to stare slack-jawed at her.
Today, wasn't so bad. She only used her Razor phone to mock shave her face for a few minutes until she could rally up a forced laugh from her lackey. And then told some kid he should know what something costs because he's Jewish.
Right now...I'd say I'm leaning towards just hauling off and decking her in her vagina to teach her a lesson about being one of those women who need attention to validate themselves but are more than willing to offer advise to others on how to improve their lives.
Vagina punching. The next Olympic sport.
Stay tuned for more vagina-punching details!
1. Punch her in the fucking vagina.
2. Shove pointy objects into your ears until you can't hear anymore. (Which just leaves you staring at her.)
or
3. Paying a dark, international mercenary to abduct her in the night and sell her to some burly eskimos to gut fish for the rest of her life in fucking Antartica.
Yes, friends. She is one of those people. It's probably her "quirky attitude" that gets to me. Or her overall perkiness no matter the day, time or situation. No. Wait, I know why I can't stand the girl. She won't fucking shut her mouth. Ever. Her jaw is continually flapping no matter if someone is listening or not.
This is my 2nd class with the girl and she's managed to talk over the Prof both times. The first class was fortunetly a music class I didn't really care for and so I skipped. Actually I think I went to it three times for three tests. Ta dah! A's all around.
But this class is all discussion and everything that comes out of her mouth has some weird catch phrase. It's not as it she's some perky blond. I'm immune to them having grown up in Omaha, but this one...no...I could never get used to her.
She's a hippie. Now, I'm not Cartman. I don't hate all hippies. But this one. This one I hate.
She's always wearing some knit scarf that looks like she pulled it out of the garbage and drinking coffee out of a little foam cup, arguing about women's rights and quoting alternative music. Normally, I'd have no problem with these things. (I'm all for women's rights but Femi-Nazi's like her make me want to take away their Vagina-Cards.)
Plus. Plus! She never shuts up! (I said this already didn't I...) The second week of class I was sucessfully tuning her out when she suddenly jumped up, marched to the front of the class and demanded that our 70-year-old Santa-looking Prof give her a high-five. He just sort of stared at her for a few moments as she kept repeating, "Don't leave me hangin'. Don't leave me hangin'." And then eventually gave her what she so desperately wanted, the attention of the entire class.
Then the other day we were discussing the sovereign rights of women in Islam and whether they should veil or not veil, when someone said, "If it's hot they should be allowed to take off whatever they need to." (Not the brightest point of the discussion but whatever.) When she started singing, "It's gettin' hot in here. So take off all your clothes." Then she did this little shimmy. ...ahem... And then I fought back the vomit.
Never mind that the chick was wearing a shirt that said, "Would Jesus use nuclear weapons?" (That was enough to irritate me) but she was singing Nelly and gyrating in her chair. The whole class again paused momentarily to stare slack-jawed at her.
Today, wasn't so bad. She only used her Razor phone to mock shave her face for a few minutes until she could rally up a forced laugh from her lackey. And then told some kid he should know what something costs because he's Jewish.
Right now...I'd say I'm leaning towards just hauling off and decking her in her vagina to teach her a lesson about being one of those women who need attention to validate themselves but are more than willing to offer advise to others on how to improve their lives.
Vagina punching. The next Olympic sport.
Stay tuned for more vagina-punching details!
Labels: All things Vagina, Scholarly Articles of Interest
This entry was posted
on 11.10.06 at 8:47 PM.
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4:11 PMHa! Made me laugh a lot. And yes if I were on the Olympic Committee that decided such things I would vote for Vagina Punching, as well as Corn Holing (the bean bag game.) I think we could work up a few sponsors, maybe from Tampax or Maxi ^_^*
9:59 AM
I had a friend breakout Cornhole at a cookout once. He is the king of yard games. While the game itself was pretty fun I have to admit, all the inappropriate comments and puns that were flying during the game were even more fun.
10:47 AM
I hope you have not gotten into trouble for va-ja-jay punching!
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