Nothing good can come from rambling
I've been occupied at home so I haven't been posting. Not like anybody cares but I just thought I'd apologize to my millions of devoted, imaginary fans that have been holding their collective breath since my last post.
Here's what's been up since my last post:
1.) The Troll of my department asked me for Advil the other night and I actually contemplated denying the massive child-proof container bulging in the side of my purse. The fact that I was about to lie to the woman just because I didn't like her bothered me so much that I guiltily handed over some of my precious stash. I feel like a better person for it...but she still looks like a troll. And she smells funny too.
2.) An old friend of mine's father was brutally murdered a few nights ago. It was incredibly gruesome & of course I heard every detail downtown. The viewing was at the same mortuary my brother's was. When we walked up front to view the open casket I started sobbing. I sat in one of the back pews until my family ushered me out with steely impassive faces. They tried making me feel better by taking me to McDonalds. Apparently none of them realize I can't stand the sight of the golden arches let alone the food. My family doesn't like tears in public but McDonalds is okay by them.
3.) Chris completely cut Asshole off. Thank God.
4.) Sam is talking about our entire group jumping out of a plane for her 21st Bday trip. Sweet.
5.) Cutey Officer paid me another visit the other night. We got to talking again and realized we have an entire group worth of mutual friends. "Well shit, next time we go out I'll have to call you and Sunshine," He said. I, being the naive asshole that I am, agreed and gave him my number. It wasn't until 10minutes after he'd left that I realized I'd just given a strange officer my cell number. Boyfriend graduates from the academy in October. Pray they don't ever meet. Pray!
6.) For some reason I am completely obsessed with the new Kelis song, "Bossy." I can't help it. I just play it over and over at work. The Troll hates it. Bonus.
7.) Our department is justly known as the one full of bitchy cows. While in fact only about half of our crew is overweight, they are obscenely overweight. The rest of us are just bitchy. I admit to being of the bitchy variety. Hey, we're not Baskin Robbins with its 31 flavors here. We've got two. Fat or Bitchy. Pick one or get the hell out.
The largest of our staff has been on the list for one of those tummy-stapling surgeries for awhile but due to a bunch of other health issues she hasn't had it yet. Recently she had some breathing issues & was in the hospital for a few months. While in, she had a tracheotomy done.
I'm not really sure if it's due to the trach or the oxygen tanks she carries with her in her modified shopping cart, but ever since she came back to work she talks extremely loud. It wouldn’t bother me that much if she didn’t have so many really descriptive stories to tell all her friends over the phone about her stay in the hospital.
For instance, "So I’m doing my business in the corner on the chamber pot cause I couldn’t get to the toilet for a few weeks when the doctor comes in and just starts poking at my trach. I’m yelling at him to leave me alone so I could finish but he just stood there while I was shitting, poking me all over." Ahem. I have to admit it took my brain almost a full minute to process the "chamber pot" comment and then I started gagging. If you knew her (bless her heart) you’d be gagging too. Trust me.
And when she’s not forcing us to overhear the sordid details of her hospital stay, she’s pulling her trach tube out of her throat and cleaning it over the little paper trashcans or breathing into her oxygen mask like Darth Vadar.
8.) Boyfriend got maced at training the other day. I laughed at him.
9.) I keep having gruesome nightmares about my Dad being murdered the way my friend’s dad was. I didn’t sleep for 2 days straight after I heard the news. I’m sleeping now but not very well.
10.) I won a trip a few weeks ago which I immediately turned over to the family for a group vacation. My parents usually take us all out of town around my brother’s anniversary but this year they couldn’t afford it. It’s supposed to be this weekend but I’m debating whether to go since my mother makes me want to kill myself if I’m around her more than 10 minutes.
11.) I recently registered at MySpace.com. I get really bored at work (hence the blog) and it’s been occupying my time for a bit. It’s incredibly lame but I’m addicted. I admit it. Isn’t that the first step?
12.) Random thought, have I ever mentioned I’ve met a celebrity? No? Well I have. Don’t ask why I was thinking about this but in Vegas for my 21st I ran into Chris Pontius from WildBoyz, the only non-gay show on MTV. Like I said, random thought.
13.) I was watching Project Runway with Boyfriend the other night when they were talking about how when taking measurements for a dress one needs to measure from the bust to the waist and from the waist to the hips. Boyfriend looked at my torso as I was sprawled out on his couch and laughed, "Did you know that your waist and hips are in the same place on your body." I smacked him. I can’t help the fact that my torso is the same length as my foot.
Here's what's been up since my last post:
1.) The Troll of my department asked me for Advil the other night and I actually contemplated denying the massive child-proof container bulging in the side of my purse. The fact that I was about to lie to the woman just because I didn't like her bothered me so much that I guiltily handed over some of my precious stash. I feel like a better person for it...but she still looks like a troll. And she smells funny too.
2.) An old friend of mine's father was brutally murdered a few nights ago. It was incredibly gruesome & of course I heard every detail downtown. The viewing was at the same mortuary my brother's was. When we walked up front to view the open casket I started sobbing. I sat in one of the back pews until my family ushered me out with steely impassive faces. They tried making me feel better by taking me to McDonalds. Apparently none of them realize I can't stand the sight of the golden arches let alone the food. My family doesn't like tears in public but McDonalds is okay by them.
3.) Chris completely cut Asshole off. Thank God.
4.) Sam is talking about our entire group jumping out of a plane for her 21st Bday trip. Sweet.
5.) Cutey Officer paid me another visit the other night. We got to talking again and realized we have an entire group worth of mutual friends. "Well shit, next time we go out I'll have to call you and Sunshine," He said. I, being the naive asshole that I am, agreed and gave him my number. It wasn't until 10minutes after he'd left that I realized I'd just given a strange officer my cell number. Boyfriend graduates from the academy in October. Pray they don't ever meet. Pray!
6.) For some reason I am completely obsessed with the new Kelis song, "Bossy." I can't help it. I just play it over and over at work. The Troll hates it. Bonus.
7.) Our department is justly known as the one full of bitchy cows. While in fact only about half of our crew is overweight, they are obscenely overweight. The rest of us are just bitchy. I admit to being of the bitchy variety. Hey, we're not Baskin Robbins with its 31 flavors here. We've got two. Fat or Bitchy. Pick one or get the hell out.
The largest of our staff has been on the list for one of those tummy-stapling surgeries for awhile but due to a bunch of other health issues she hasn't had it yet. Recently she had some breathing issues & was in the hospital for a few months. While in, she had a tracheotomy done.
I'm not really sure if it's due to the trach or the oxygen tanks she carries with her in her modified shopping cart, but ever since she came back to work she talks extremely loud. It wouldn’t bother me that much if she didn’t have so many really descriptive stories to tell all her friends over the phone about her stay in the hospital.
For instance, "So I’m doing my business in the corner on the chamber pot cause I couldn’t get to the toilet for a few weeks when the doctor comes in and just starts poking at my trach. I’m yelling at him to leave me alone so I could finish but he just stood there while I was shitting, poking me all over." Ahem. I have to admit it took my brain almost a full minute to process the "chamber pot" comment and then I started gagging. If you knew her (bless her heart) you’d be gagging too. Trust me.
And when she’s not forcing us to overhear the sordid details of her hospital stay, she’s pulling her trach tube out of her throat and cleaning it over the little paper trashcans or breathing into her oxygen mask like Darth Vadar.
8.) Boyfriend got maced at training the other day. I laughed at him.
9.) I keep having gruesome nightmares about my Dad being murdered the way my friend’s dad was. I didn’t sleep for 2 days straight after I heard the news. I’m sleeping now but not very well.
10.) I won a trip a few weeks ago which I immediately turned over to the family for a group vacation. My parents usually take us all out of town around my brother’s anniversary but this year they couldn’t afford it. It’s supposed to be this weekend but I’m debating whether to go since my mother makes me want to kill myself if I’m around her more than 10 minutes.
11.) I recently registered at MySpace.com. I get really bored at work (hence the blog) and it’s been occupying my time for a bit. It’s incredibly lame but I’m addicted. I admit it. Isn’t that the first step?
12.) Random thought, have I ever mentioned I’ve met a celebrity? No? Well I have. Don’t ask why I was thinking about this but in Vegas for my 21st I ran into Chris Pontius from WildBoyz, the only non-gay show on MTV. Like I said, random thought.
13.) I was watching Project Runway with Boyfriend the other night when they were talking about how when taking measurements for a dress one needs to measure from the bust to the waist and from the waist to the hips. Boyfriend looked at my torso as I was sprawled out on his couch and laughed, "Did you know that your waist and hips are in the same place on your body." I smacked him. I can’t help the fact that my torso is the same length as my foot.
Labels: Completely Unrelated Rantings, The Boyfriend (duh Duh DUH)
This entry was posted
on 18.7.06 at 9:43 PM.
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