Adventures in Designated Driving
I'm not usually the dd. It's not that I am unable to sit at a bar without drinking, it's just that I only started drinking about a year ago and don't trust myself to drive if I've had any liquor at all. Seriously. I know this blog makes it sound like all I do is drink but I'm hardly the stereotypical kegger frequenting College kid.
A couple weekends ago a friend of a friend bought me a couple shots that didn't mix well with the drinks I'd already had and...long story short, I puked more that night than I ever thought was possible. So I'm steering clear of liquor for awhile. Just a short break.
So I volunteered to dd for Sunshine since we already had plans to go out twice this past week. I was completely sober at 3 different bars and managed to be bored out of my fucking mind.
Bar 1: A New WinterLodge Themed Lounge
Crowd: Youngin's - College Kids
"Look," I glared at the smoking loser sitting next to me oggling my boobs, not taking the hint at all. "I'm not drinking tonight."
"Why?"
"I'm driving." I scanned the bar again for my two drunk charges stumbling in their heels to the outdoor smoking area to make another drunk dial.
"And..." He slurred.
"Yeah. Okay. I'll talk slowly for you. I. Am. Not. Drunk Enough. For. You. To Be. Hitting. On Me."
"Bitch!"
"Yeah, I know."
Bar 2: The College Hotspot with Dollar Drinks on Saturday Nights
Crowd: College Kids to Young Professionals
"And then we bought this christmas tree but I thought it was too small and then we put it all together and seperated all the branches and it took seriously like, how long do you think honey?"
Sunshine's friend's husband grumbled something unintelligable while Sunshine's friend took her first breath since we'd gotten there.
"Yeah. Like an hour and a half! Can you believe that? But it's all lit up with pretty little white lights and I put angles all over and it's so pretty even thought it's bigger than I thought and then..."
"Sunshine," I whispered.
"Yeah," she whispered back.
"If I stab myself in the leg with that fork can we leave?"
"Go for it."
Bar 3: Some Country Shit Bar
Against every Metallica bone in my body, I found myself in the dirtiest, most rundown Western bar in the city. Sunshine was at the bar making out with man du jour while I sipped at a glass of water at a table inches off the designated dance area, whining endlessly to Chris.
"I can't believe you're in a country bar. Classic!"
"Shut up."
"Describe everything. In great detail."
"Every chick in the bar is atleast 200lbs. They're all wearing tummy shirts or football jerseys."
"Nice!"
"One is pregnant. She has two beers in one hand and a cigarette in the other."
"Ew...what are they shouting?"
I lifted the phone so she could make out the lyrics to some Yin Yang Twins rap.
"I thought they listened to country in country bars...I mean...isn't that like...the point?"
"Who knows."
"Are the guys in chaps?"
"Nope."
"Damn. Are they line dancing?"
"Nope. One is doing the moon walk though."
"What the hell? My world is all askew now."
"Oh. Dear. God."
"What!"
"I think these people are having sex."
"Yes! Now that's country!"
I jerked the phone away from my ear, "Ew. Ew! Get away!"
I can only imagine what Chris was thinking when she heard me shouting on the other end. "Look, Asshole! I'd rather tear my own arm off and beat you to death before I ever EVER touched you! EVER!"
Muffled response that even I didn't understand.
"Will punching you in the face make you go away!"
Chris cackled like mad. "Tell that guy he totally just made my week."
A couple weekends ago a friend of a friend bought me a couple shots that didn't mix well with the drinks I'd already had and...long story short, I puked more that night than I ever thought was possible. So I'm steering clear of liquor for awhile. Just a short break.
So I volunteered to dd for Sunshine since we already had plans to go out twice this past week. I was completely sober at 3 different bars and managed to be bored out of my fucking mind.
Bar 1: A New WinterLodge Themed Lounge
Crowd: Youngin's - College Kids
"Look," I glared at the smoking loser sitting next to me oggling my boobs, not taking the hint at all. "I'm not drinking tonight."
"Why?"
"I'm driving." I scanned the bar again for my two drunk charges stumbling in their heels to the outdoor smoking area to make another drunk dial.
"And..." He slurred.
"Yeah. Okay. I'll talk slowly for you. I. Am. Not. Drunk Enough. For. You. To Be. Hitting. On Me."
"Bitch!"
"Yeah, I know."
Bar 2: The College Hotspot with Dollar Drinks on Saturday Nights
Crowd: College Kids to Young Professionals
"And then we bought this christmas tree but I thought it was too small and then we put it all together and seperated all the branches and it took seriously like, how long do you think honey?"
Sunshine's friend's husband grumbled something unintelligable while Sunshine's friend took her first breath since we'd gotten there.
"Yeah. Like an hour and a half! Can you believe that? But it's all lit up with pretty little white lights and I put angles all over and it's so pretty even thought it's bigger than I thought and then..."
"Sunshine," I whispered.
"Yeah," she whispered back.
"If I stab myself in the leg with that fork can we leave?"
"Go for it."
Bar 3: Some Country Shit Bar
Against every Metallica bone in my body, I found myself in the dirtiest, most rundown Western bar in the city. Sunshine was at the bar making out with man du jour while I sipped at a glass of water at a table inches off the designated dance area, whining endlessly to Chris.
"I can't believe you're in a country bar. Classic!"
"Shut up."
"Describe everything. In great detail."
"Every chick in the bar is atleast 200lbs. They're all wearing tummy shirts or football jerseys."
"Nice!"
"One is pregnant. She has two beers in one hand and a cigarette in the other."
"Ew...what are they shouting?"
I lifted the phone so she could make out the lyrics to some Yin Yang Twins rap.
"I thought they listened to country in country bars...I mean...isn't that like...the point?"
"Who knows."
"Are the guys in chaps?"
"Nope."
"Damn. Are they line dancing?"
"Nope. One is doing the moon walk though."
"What the hell? My world is all askew now."
"Oh. Dear. God."
"What!"
"I think these people are having sex."
"Yes! Now that's country!"
I jerked the phone away from my ear, "Ew. Ew! Get away!"
I can only imagine what Chris was thinking when she heard me shouting on the other end. "Look, Asshole! I'd rather tear my own arm off and beat you to death before I ever EVER touched you! EVER!"
Muffled response that even I didn't understand.
"Will punching you in the face make you go away!"
Chris cackled like mad. "Tell that guy he totally just made my week."
Labels: Drunken Adventures
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on 26.11.06 at 10:39 PM.
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