If you were a lesbian...
Anyone who hangs out with me on a regular basis knows that I joke about being a lesbian all the time. My stock question that I'm sure everyone is really sick of hearing is, "If you were a lesbian what kind of lesbian would you be?"
The background to this really misunderstood inside joke is that my two closest girlfriends and I tend to pretend we are actually lesbians for two main reasons:
I. We think boys are funny. They think lesbianism is so hot and have all these fucked up ideas about what girls do when they leave the room. And girls, well, we love playing to these sick fantasies. It's because of chicks like my friends and I, that love manipulating simple hormone driven male minds, that guys think there is some sort of conspiracy against the male species on behalf of the female. Like we actually don't like the penis we just pretend to be jealous and overbearing so you'll leave and we can make out with our girlfriends. Sorry guys, this actually isn't how it goes...well not usually anyway...we just have fun making you think it is. Especially when you guys ask us if we ever help eachother shower. Ha. Boys. Funnier than silly putty.
II. Chris and I especially tend to pretend we're lesbians when we're getting hit on by random guys. While it accomplishes our goal of letting them know we're not interested it also has a bit of a down side when said male asks us to makeout...which we don't. (Perve, I know what you were thinking.)
The best part of our lesbianic joke is that I love asking guys who seem very interested in a little girl-on-girl action, what kind of lesbian they would be if they were magically converted to chickdom. Of course they can't say, "Hey I wouldn't be a lesbian at all!" Or all the other guys would make fun of them. I wouldn't. But any males in the immediate vicinity sure would.
The usual answer to the lesbian question is that they would be "a really butch bull dike." Huh. Okay. Not very PC but whatever. I think I've seriously asked atleast 50 different guys this question and I have always gotten the same stock answer. Butch.
That is until last weekend when I was on guard duty for Chris while she was hanging with her newest penial-interest and his friends (until she wandered off and I was left entertaining myself). I asked all the guys the same question and got the same answer except for one.
One guy stepped up and confessed that he would not be butch. In fact he would be the complete opposite of butch. He would be "a Paris-Hilton-hot lesbian that got to make out with other hot lesbians." Now that, that finally made some sense to me.
If guys like watching girl-on-girl, if guys are so hot for naked girl shower scenes where we help wash the suds off eachother's bodies...with our mouths...then why would you want to be a big butch chick that most likely wouldn't get to see such things?
This guy, who shall remain nameless, should be a model for all men, especially college boys, because he was completely shameless in his sexuality. He knew exactly what he wanted and wasn't about to let the other guys with him taunt him for wanting to be a sexy chick who gets to lick other sexy chicks on a regular basis. I am willing to bet that he, out of all the rest of the guys, will be the one to actually bear witness to one of these hot shower scenes outside of a porno.
Think on that, all my male friends. Think on that for next time I bombard you with my lesbian questions...
The background to this really misunderstood inside joke is that my two closest girlfriends and I tend to pretend we are actually lesbians for two main reasons:
I. We think boys are funny. They think lesbianism is so hot and have all these fucked up ideas about what girls do when they leave the room. And girls, well, we love playing to these sick fantasies. It's because of chicks like my friends and I, that love manipulating simple hormone driven male minds, that guys think there is some sort of conspiracy against the male species on behalf of the female. Like we actually don't like the penis we just pretend to be jealous and overbearing so you'll leave and we can make out with our girlfriends. Sorry guys, this actually isn't how it goes...well not usually anyway...we just have fun making you think it is. Especially when you guys ask us if we ever help eachother shower. Ha. Boys. Funnier than silly putty.
II. Chris and I especially tend to pretend we're lesbians when we're getting hit on by random guys. While it accomplishes our goal of letting them know we're not interested it also has a bit of a down side when said male asks us to makeout...which we don't. (Perve, I know what you were thinking.)
The best part of our lesbianic joke is that I love asking guys who seem very interested in a little girl-on-girl action, what kind of lesbian they would be if they were magically converted to chickdom. Of course they can't say, "Hey I wouldn't be a lesbian at all!" Or all the other guys would make fun of them. I wouldn't. But any males in the immediate vicinity sure would.
The usual answer to the lesbian question is that they would be "a really butch bull dike." Huh. Okay. Not very PC but whatever. I think I've seriously asked atleast 50 different guys this question and I have always gotten the same stock answer. Butch.
That is until last weekend when I was on guard duty for Chris while she was hanging with her newest penial-interest and his friends (until she wandered off and I was left entertaining myself). I asked all the guys the same question and got the same answer except for one.
One guy stepped up and confessed that he would not be butch. In fact he would be the complete opposite of butch. He would be "a Paris-Hilton-hot lesbian that got to make out with other hot lesbians." Now that, that finally made some sense to me.
If guys like watching girl-on-girl, if guys are so hot for naked girl shower scenes where we help wash the suds off eachother's bodies...with our mouths...then why would you want to be a big butch chick that most likely wouldn't get to see such things?
This guy, who shall remain nameless, should be a model for all men, especially college boys, because he was completely shameless in his sexuality. He knew exactly what he wanted and wasn't about to let the other guys with him taunt him for wanting to be a sexy chick who gets to lick other sexy chicks on a regular basis. I am willing to bet that he, out of all the rest of the guys, will be the one to actually bear witness to one of these hot shower scenes outside of a porno.
Think on that, all my male friends. Think on that for next time I bombard you with my lesbian questions...
Labels: All things Vagina
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on 9.8.06 at 5:22 PM.
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