"I am God's hackeysack." - Drew Carey
It's been a shitty week but you got to find humor somewhere...right?
While my own social life has been treating me (in the words of a Vegas buddy) like "a fat slutty bitch" lately, the rest of the outside world seems to be circling the drain as well.
(I know I try not to get too serious on this blog but bear with me...I promise the ending is ironic as hell.)
My hometown's two largest gang rivals have taken the occasional club altercation and driveby to a new level. There have been three gang-related homicides this week alone and a string of kidnappings involving several young women. With the exception of a 13-year-old girl kidnapped and mutilated 4months ago, most of the missing women fit both my age and physical description.
One of them go to my college.
Her boyfriend is being prosecuted for her murder and the murder of her unborn child.
The people of my (not so large) city have gone crazy. And it just keeps getting worse.
My family, friends and coworkers are all on high alert and are just generally driving me fucking crazy about the kidnappings. Not to mention the serial rapist still yet to be apprehended in my area. Did I mention that? Yeah. They break into mainfloor apartments during the night. Nice.
So when I was bored at my cubicle the other night, I decided to log on and check one of my favorite author's blogs for updates on any new books.
Unfortunately, it was the wrong day for my sour mood and I to have logged on to that particular site.
Apparently, MaryJanice Davidson has begun her own version of a gang war against another blogger. After reading her interpretation of the events I commented on the article. Ha! Massive fucking mistake.
Like I said, it'd been a bad week and hearing that some unhappy reader was supposedly calling her every nasty name in the book, I spoke up on behalf of my favorite Undead and Unwed author.
Well...ahem...it would seem MJD hadn't really told the whole story and I, in my crap mood, hadn't done the background needed to really comment on the situation and was caught with my pants down and basically ass raped. In fact, the woman with which MJD was having her blog war actually commented on my comment (You'd think I felt special but I didn't.) and ripped me a new asshole for it. Which I admittedly deserved.
I know better than to not do my background before sticking my nose into the situation. And here's the really funny part (hence the opening line) I actually talked about how lame blog wars are and that the people who spend all their time bitch slapping eachother anonymously should put all that "fanaticism" towards something productive.
(Here comes the great part...)
I actually suggested finding a cure for cancer as one of their options as opposed to verbally slamming an author online.
And guess what. Go on, guess. Guess!
MJD's rival, the woman who defended herself against my nasty commenting, is an ONCOLOGIST! Ha! How is that for irony! At first I was all, "Aw...shit" and wrote an immediate retraction but MJD had changed the options on her blog so that she now has to okay the comments before they're published.
Which sucks for me because now this Karen Scott won't ever know that I apologized! It shouldn't matter to me but for some reason it was bothering me all night.
Then I woke up this morning cracking up. An oncologist! What are the chances that I'd verbally attack a world famous oncologist with a jibe about curing cancer? I mean it has to be nearly astronomical.
But then another thought hit me, Well of course you did! You're you! You're like the guy from American Pie, this kind of shit is what makes your life interesting! That's just how you roll... And then my inner voice started cackling so hard I couldn't help but laugh with it and I haven't stopped telling the story since.
Hell, when things really get shitty what else can you do but laugh it off?
PS
If Karen Scott finds her way to my blog and reads this: Sorry! I had a really good apology going on MJD's blog but it has yet to be published. Hope you get this one instead.
PPS
But come on...it was a little funny...
While my own social life has been treating me (in the words of a Vegas buddy) like "a fat slutty bitch" lately, the rest of the outside world seems to be circling the drain as well.
(I know I try not to get too serious on this blog but bear with me...I promise the ending is ironic as hell.)
My hometown's two largest gang rivals have taken the occasional club altercation and driveby to a new level. There have been three gang-related homicides this week alone and a string of kidnappings involving several young women. With the exception of a 13-year-old girl kidnapped and mutilated 4months ago, most of the missing women fit both my age and physical description.
One of them go to my college.
Her boyfriend is being prosecuted for her murder and the murder of her unborn child.
The people of my (not so large) city have gone crazy. And it just keeps getting worse.
My family, friends and coworkers are all on high alert and are just generally driving me fucking crazy about the kidnappings. Not to mention the serial rapist still yet to be apprehended in my area. Did I mention that? Yeah. They break into mainfloor apartments during the night. Nice.
So when I was bored at my cubicle the other night, I decided to log on and check one of my favorite author's blogs for updates on any new books.
Unfortunately, it was the wrong day for my sour mood and I to have logged on to that particular site.
Apparently, MaryJanice Davidson has begun her own version of a gang war against another blogger. After reading her interpretation of the events I commented on the article. Ha! Massive fucking mistake.
Like I said, it'd been a bad week and hearing that some unhappy reader was supposedly calling her every nasty name in the book, I spoke up on behalf of my favorite Undead and Unwed author.
Well...ahem...it would seem MJD hadn't really told the whole story and I, in my crap mood, hadn't done the background needed to really comment on the situation and was caught with my pants down and basically ass raped. In fact, the woman with which MJD was having her blog war actually commented on my comment (You'd think I felt special but I didn't.) and ripped me a new asshole for it. Which I admittedly deserved.
I know better than to not do my background before sticking my nose into the situation. And here's the really funny part (hence the opening line) I actually talked about how lame blog wars are and that the people who spend all their time bitch slapping eachother anonymously should put all that "fanaticism" towards something productive.
(Here comes the great part...)
I actually suggested finding a cure for cancer as one of their options as opposed to verbally slamming an author online.
And guess what. Go on, guess. Guess!
MJD's rival, the woman who defended herself against my nasty commenting, is an ONCOLOGIST! Ha! How is that for irony! At first I was all, "Aw...shit" and wrote an immediate retraction but MJD had changed the options on her blog so that she now has to okay the comments before they're published.
Which sucks for me because now this Karen Scott won't ever know that I apologized! It shouldn't matter to me but for some reason it was bothering me all night.
Then I woke up this morning cracking up. An oncologist! What are the chances that I'd verbally attack a world famous oncologist with a jibe about curing cancer? I mean it has to be nearly astronomical.
But then another thought hit me, Well of course you did! You're you! You're like the guy from American Pie, this kind of shit is what makes your life interesting! That's just how you roll... And then my inner voice started cackling so hard I couldn't help but laugh with it and I haven't stopped telling the story since.
Hell, when things really get shitty what else can you do but laugh it off?
PS
If Karen Scott finds her way to my blog and reads this: Sorry! I had a really good apology going on MJD's blog but it has yet to be published. Hope you get this one instead.
PPS
But come on...it was a little funny...
This entry was posted
on 8.7.06 at 9:12 PM.
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