I had this dream the other night and it was so fucking ruthless that I have to tell everyone about it. So here goes:
I was set to compete at the Olympics in a track and field event. My swim coach from high school, Docker the Psycho, was my track coach and was screaming at me while warming up that I could not let anything stop me from being at the starting line when my heat began. But then as I was working my way across the track, through the hundreds of other runners milling about, I stumbled upon a shed. Just an old rusty wood shed parked in the middle of the arena.
When I peeked through one of the windows to see what was inside, I saw...(insert dramatic music) HITLER! And he was giving his thousands of eager troops (way too many to actually fit into a shed of that size but I digress) a German peptalk complete with ominous looking hand gestures and angry slurred syllables.
I stared in disbelief for a few moments before my crazy sweet, and completely unbeknownst to me till then, talent for interpreting German kicked in. They were going to take over the world via Olympics! It was an Olympic takeover!
I couldn't just sit there and do nothing so before Hitler and his lackeys could open the door, I wedged myself against it. At first they were all confused and banging into the door and each other like pinballs or the Three Stooges, then they realized it wasn't the door that had them trapped. And they started pushing as a group but I was somehow still holding them back...but the door was about to buckle!
I screamed for support from my fellow athletes and a bunch of them threw themselves into the door with me. When we finally had so many people there was no way Hilter was going to break out of the shed, I ran over to alert the officials or someone, but I ran into Docker first! He was screaming at me for missing my race. He was screaming so hard his head had turned into a blood-red tomato and his eyes were popping out of his face! It was awesome! I slapped him real hard and said, "I'm sorry I missed my race but I was defending the world from killer Nazis!"
And then I got an award. The End
I love that dream. I got to slap Docker and save the world. Hooray!
PS
Did I mention I was drunk when I fell asleep?
I was set to compete at the Olympics in a track and field event. My swim coach from high school, Docker the Psycho, was my track coach and was screaming at me while warming up that I could not let anything stop me from being at the starting line when my heat began. But then as I was working my way across the track, through the hundreds of other runners milling about, I stumbled upon a shed. Just an old rusty wood shed parked in the middle of the arena.
When I peeked through one of the windows to see what was inside, I saw...(insert dramatic music) HITLER! And he was giving his thousands of eager troops (way too many to actually fit into a shed of that size but I digress) a German peptalk complete with ominous looking hand gestures and angry slurred syllables.
I stared in disbelief for a few moments before my crazy sweet, and completely unbeknownst to me till then, talent for interpreting German kicked in. They were going to take over the world via Olympics! It was an Olympic takeover!
I couldn't just sit there and do nothing so before Hitler and his lackeys could open the door, I wedged myself against it. At first they were all confused and banging into the door and each other like pinballs or the Three Stooges, then they realized it wasn't the door that had them trapped. And they started pushing as a group but I was somehow still holding them back...but the door was about to buckle!
I screamed for support from my fellow athletes and a bunch of them threw themselves into the door with me. When we finally had so many people there was no way Hilter was going to break out of the shed, I ran over to alert the officials or someone, but I ran into Docker first! He was screaming at me for missing my race. He was screaming so hard his head had turned into a blood-red tomato and his eyes were popping out of his face! It was awesome! I slapped him real hard and said, "I'm sorry I missed my race but I was defending the world from killer Nazis!"
And then I got an award. The End
I love that dream. I got to slap Docker and save the world. Hooray!
PS
Did I mention I was drunk when I fell asleep?
Labels: Completely Unrelated Rantings
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on 7.8.06 at 6:08 PM.
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