Updates
Updating my random adventures of the past week:
1. My aunt has breast cancer and while being prepped for her chemo treatments they somehow "nicked" her lung. And then it collapsed. "Oops," was basically the doctor's reaction. The rest of us just stared at him.
Then they had to perform emergency surgery immediately to keep her breathing and didn't even have time to move her from her bed or fully sedate her. They just numbed the area they were cutting open and let her watch. Like those surgery channels in highdef. Really highdef. Later she told us all about it in graphic detail.
"So then they put these spreader things between my ribs and I could hear them cracking as they pulled apart and then they inserted this tube into the torn part of my lung and pumped it back up like a tire. And then I was okay again."
Er. It was really gross. All the doctors and nurses in the hospital kept stopping by to hear the story. To which, ofcourse, she obliged. Therefore putting the rest of us through the pain of hearing the story at least a dozen more times before we left.
2. While visiting my aunt, Chris and I were introduced to her roommate. A 78-year-old English woman...who wouldn't stop hitting on the young football player across the hall in recovery and telling us about her Depends. "Depends on Depends."
Then she launched into a long speech about how kids these days have it so easy. "Sex education. Pah," She scoffed. "Back when I was young we had to learn the hard way. Get it. The hard way." Wink wink nudge nudge.
3. (For all boys who don't like hearing about menstrual cycles skip to the next subject. You won't like what I'm about to say.) I had the absolute worst period of my life this week! It was fucking terrible. I wanted to cry and hit people and I basically popped Midol like they were friggin ticktacks. It was so awful. I went to work. Ate. Slept. And that's about it. The entire middle of the week is a blur of cramps, tampons, and a bottle of wine shared with Chris over our mutual menstrual misery.
4. By Friday all was relatively well again. Went out with the Drunken Assholes Society (Chris, Sam & I) for the first time in er...ever. It's a rare thing when we can all get together. Drove down to the other local University and picked up one of Sam's ROTC friends and then out to Old Chicago. (It's the easiest place to get drinks for those who are not of age yet.) Spent a good $50 on alcohol. Met up with another ROTC buddy. Went back to their dorm. Kept drinking.
Met a preacher and his wife at like 2AM. I don't know. It's a little blurry. I remember giggling and listening to everyone introduce themselves as ROTC. So I thought it'd be funny to, as they were going down the line doing official very military sounding introductions, to say, "Jess. Local Police Department."
The preacher looked me up and down to which I giggled and then Chris announced (she was the drunkest of all), "Chris. Paypal." And the moment was shattered because then the preacher thought I was lying. I thought of being like, "Hey! Pal! The friggin Chief of Police recruited me himself into the Academy! I'm just getting my Masters first and then I'm going to pull your Preacher ass over with my badge and Religion Masters and giggle even more!" But that's about as far as my drunk mind got before I was distracted by the announcement on MTV that Lance Bass was gay. For some reason that was surprising when I was drunk. Eh. Oh well.
And then I was told I have a nice ass and I drunk dialed some people. And Chris found herself a guy that reminded me of Popeye and then I went home and drunk MySpaced my big gay pal, Dan...because I owed him one.
5. Got into it with Boyfriend last night. We were supposed to go on a real date for the first time in a very, very long time. But he decided dinner was lame. So he ate at home while I was getting ready. So then I was supposed to fend for myself on the way to the movie and when I finally picked a restaurant and started to order, he interrupted me and nearly shouted, "Stop, stop, STOP! Just stop talking!" Ahem.
And then I got my food to go and dropped his ass off back home. And then I contemplated going back out to the dorms, finding that guy who liked my ass and seeing what Boyfriend thought of that. But instead I had a chick night and hit the sack early. Fucking asshole ruined a perfectly good Saturday night.
6. And now I'm at work doing absolutely nothing. Yeah!
1. My aunt has breast cancer and while being prepped for her chemo treatments they somehow "nicked" her lung. And then it collapsed. "Oops," was basically the doctor's reaction. The rest of us just stared at him.
Then they had to perform emergency surgery immediately to keep her breathing and didn't even have time to move her from her bed or fully sedate her. They just numbed the area they were cutting open and let her watch. Like those surgery channels in highdef. Really highdef. Later she told us all about it in graphic detail.
"So then they put these spreader things between my ribs and I could hear them cracking as they pulled apart and then they inserted this tube into the torn part of my lung and pumped it back up like a tire. And then I was okay again."
Er. It was really gross. All the doctors and nurses in the hospital kept stopping by to hear the story. To which, ofcourse, she obliged. Therefore putting the rest of us through the pain of hearing the story at least a dozen more times before we left.
2. While visiting my aunt, Chris and I were introduced to her roommate. A 78-year-old English woman...who wouldn't stop hitting on the young football player across the hall in recovery and telling us about her Depends. "Depends on Depends."
Then she launched into a long speech about how kids these days have it so easy. "Sex education. Pah," She scoffed. "Back when I was young we had to learn the hard way. Get it. The hard way." Wink wink nudge nudge.
3. (For all boys who don't like hearing about menstrual cycles skip to the next subject. You won't like what I'm about to say.) I had the absolute worst period of my life this week! It was fucking terrible. I wanted to cry and hit people and I basically popped Midol like they were friggin ticktacks. It was so awful. I went to work. Ate. Slept. And that's about it. The entire middle of the week is a blur of cramps, tampons, and a bottle of wine shared with Chris over our mutual menstrual misery.
4. By Friday all was relatively well again. Went out with the Drunken Assholes Society (Chris, Sam & I) for the first time in er...ever. It's a rare thing when we can all get together. Drove down to the other local University and picked up one of Sam's ROTC friends and then out to Old Chicago. (It's the easiest place to get drinks for those who are not of age yet.) Spent a good $50 on alcohol. Met up with another ROTC buddy. Went back to their dorm. Kept drinking.
Met a preacher and his wife at like 2AM. I don't know. It's a little blurry. I remember giggling and listening to everyone introduce themselves as ROTC. So I thought it'd be funny to, as they were going down the line doing official very military sounding introductions, to say, "Jess. Local Police Department."
The preacher looked me up and down to which I giggled and then Chris announced (she was the drunkest of all), "Chris. Paypal." And the moment was shattered because then the preacher thought I was lying. I thought of being like, "Hey! Pal! The friggin Chief of Police recruited me himself into the Academy! I'm just getting my Masters first and then I'm going to pull your Preacher ass over with my badge and Religion Masters and giggle even more!" But that's about as far as my drunk mind got before I was distracted by the announcement on MTV that Lance Bass was gay. For some reason that was surprising when I was drunk. Eh. Oh well.
And then I was told I have a nice ass and I drunk dialed some people. And Chris found herself a guy that reminded me of Popeye and then I went home and drunk MySpaced my big gay pal, Dan...because I owed him one.
5. Got into it with Boyfriend last night. We were supposed to go on a real date for the first time in a very, very long time. But he decided dinner was lame. So he ate at home while I was getting ready. So then I was supposed to fend for myself on the way to the movie and when I finally picked a restaurant and started to order, he interrupted me and nearly shouted, "Stop, stop, STOP! Just stop talking!" Ahem.
And then I got my food to go and dropped his ass off back home. And then I contemplated going back out to the dorms, finding that guy who liked my ass and seeing what Boyfriend thought of that. But instead I had a chick night and hit the sack early. Fucking asshole ruined a perfectly good Saturday night.
6. And now I'm at work doing absolutely nothing. Yeah!
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on 30.7.06 at 5:27 PM.
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