Wee Man & Face Rolls
Chris (Who's been living in another city for the past 4 months) told me today that I've been drinking too much and my face "looks different" due to it. She was insinuating that I'm getting fat.
I know what you're thinking, "Nice fucking friend!" But let me insert a little context in here.
You see she's dating some new guy from her current city. When she first started describing him to me I thought she was exagerrating his measurements.
5'3" 117lbs? What?! She's 5'7"! Atleast 15lbs heavier than him! Where the hell did she find him? The Lil Boy's section? Shees!
I'd been hearing tales of Wee Man for a few weeks but when he finally made an appearance at Sam's grad party, I could think of no other word to describe him but...delicate. I feared for Wee Man. He's going to break!
Dear God! How can they have sex?
But then I examined him closer and noticed that his facial hair was reminiscent of Wolverine. He was a travel-size version of furry Hugh Jackman. That made sense. Chris had a serious vagina-hard-on for Wolverine.
Again, I know what you're thinking, "You said these Wee things to her?"
No. Ofcourse not. But I thought them very, VERY loudly. And Chris heard me thinking so hard. (I'm thinking the steam coming out of my ears was a slight indication.)
She confronted me about Wee Man in private. I said nothing demeaning or negative about him but she voiced my silent opinions all the same, which leads me to believe that she is very insecure about her new delicate man stallion. How could she not be? He's mini!
And so today, she told me I'm getting fat. Granted I've gained weight (6 lbs) in the past few (As in 4) months, but telling me I have a fat face is just overdoing it a bit, don't cha think?
PS
I saw the new Bond this weekend. If I ever see that man in the outside world, I plan to rape him. Vigorously.
UPDATE:
I was on my way to the gym tonight when Chris called. This is how the convo went...
C: Whatcha doin?
M: Goin' to the gym.
C: Why?
M: (Without even thinking.) Because someone told me I had a fat face today. (Damn. I was going for that high road bullshit. I think I just blew the road to pieces.)
C: Dude. (Disapproving tone.)
M: Dude. (Condescending tone.)
C: Dude. (Mildly irritated tone.)
M: Yeah?
C: I didn't say that.
M: Yeah you did.
C: It's just cause you've been drinking so much lately.
M: So you told me I'm fat?
C: I don't want you to gain alot of weight b/c you can't go out without having a drink. I haven't seen you in two months and it...just caught me off guard.
M: Dude, I've gained 6 lbs since last year. I'm not fat.
C: I'm not saying your fat.
M: Yes you are.
C: (Panicked tone.) I never said that.
M: Sigh.
C: It's just that--
M: Yeah, I got it. You think I'm a raging alcoholic.
C: I didn't say that!
M: No. You implied it. Very poorly by the way. Just a word--
C: Dude, don't get mad!
M: I'm not. You'd know if I was mad. But for future reference if you're going to call me an alcoholic. Just call me an alcoholic. Telling me I have a fat face is kind of dumb since I'm, you know, asian and my whole family has little round faces.
C: Dude, don't be mad!
M: Riiiight...I've got to go. Walking into the gym. Gonna do some crunches. Run for an hour. Try and workout those face rolls. You know. Gym things. Later.
C: DUDE!
M: Click.
I know what you're thinking, "Nice fucking friend!" But let me insert a little context in here.
You see she's dating some new guy from her current city. When she first started describing him to me I thought she was exagerrating his measurements.
5'3" 117lbs? What?! She's 5'7"! Atleast 15lbs heavier than him! Where the hell did she find him? The Lil Boy's section? Shees!
I'd been hearing tales of Wee Man for a few weeks but when he finally made an appearance at Sam's grad party, I could think of no other word to describe him but...delicate. I feared for Wee Man. He's going to break!
Dear God! How can they have sex?
But then I examined him closer and noticed that his facial hair was reminiscent of Wolverine. He was a travel-size version of furry Hugh Jackman. That made sense. Chris had a serious vagina-hard-on for Wolverine.
Again, I know what you're thinking, "You said these Wee things to her?"
No. Ofcourse not. But I thought them very, VERY loudly. And Chris heard me thinking so hard. (I'm thinking the steam coming out of my ears was a slight indication.)
She confronted me about Wee Man in private. I said nothing demeaning or negative about him but she voiced my silent opinions all the same, which leads me to believe that she is very insecure about her new delicate man stallion. How could she not be? He's mini!
And so today, she told me I'm getting fat. Granted I've gained weight (6 lbs) in the past few (As in 4) months, but telling me I have a fat face is just overdoing it a bit, don't cha think?
PS
I saw the new Bond this weekend. If I ever see that man in the outside world, I plan to rape him. Vigorously.
UPDATE:
I was on my way to the gym tonight when Chris called. This is how the convo went...
C: Whatcha doin?
M: Goin' to the gym.
C: Why?
M: (Without even thinking.) Because someone told me I had a fat face today. (Damn. I was going for that high road bullshit. I think I just blew the road to pieces.)
C: Dude. (Disapproving tone.)
M: Dude. (Condescending tone.)
C: Dude. (Mildly irritated tone.)
M: Yeah?
C: I didn't say that.
M: Yeah you did.
C: It's just cause you've been drinking so much lately.
M: So you told me I'm fat?
C: I don't want you to gain alot of weight b/c you can't go out without having a drink. I haven't seen you in two months and it...just caught me off guard.
M: Dude, I've gained 6 lbs since last year. I'm not fat.
C: I'm not saying your fat.
M: Yes you are.
C: (Panicked tone.) I never said that.
M: Sigh.
C: It's just that--
M: Yeah, I got it. You think I'm a raging alcoholic.
C: I didn't say that!
M: No. You implied it. Very poorly by the way. Just a word--
C: Dude, don't get mad!
M: I'm not. You'd know if I was mad. But for future reference if you're going to call me an alcoholic. Just call me an alcoholic. Telling me I have a fat face is kind of dumb since I'm, you know, asian and my whole family has little round faces.
C: Dude, don't be mad!
M: Riiiight...I've got to go. Walking into the gym. Gonna do some crunches. Run for an hour. Try and workout those face rolls. You know. Gym things. Later.
C: DUDE!
M: Click.
Labels: Completely Unrelated Rantings
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on 17.12.06 at 7:43 PM.
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