My Epidemic

I've realized of late that the conversations I normally partake in over my handy cell phone are often overheard by random passersby. I know. This is obviously something I should have thought about earlier…but I didn't.
The problem with this being that many of the things that I say, when taken out of their conversational context, are kind of disturbing if not flat out alarming.

For example:

"No, I have a penis."

or

"Seriously? He peed on the wall? He's, like, middle-aged for shits sake. That's it...The diaper is going back on!"

or

"Self-defense! Are you kidding me...Look, did she hit him with a hammer or not? Well, then it's obviously homicide. No...I'm bored...Look, just label it as homicide so we can stop talking about this...Thank you."

or

"Goddamn, shut your dirty mouth you fucking Commie!"

or

"So you shot him?"

or

"Hey, while you're back there will you scratch my patch...it's gotten kind of itchy."

or

"He's a lesbian. I know it."

or

"We'll feed him to the pigs and be done with it."

I'm starting to think I should either have these conversations in private or try and lower my normal volume. Either way...those people I pass on the streets have to think I'm out of my fucking mind.

Labels: Completely Unrelated Rantings

This entry was posted on 13.9.06 at 6:31 PM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.