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My Epidemic

I'm smiling. That alone should scare you.


Soylent Green

My nephew never ceases to amaze me. He's 6 and sometimes I think he's smarter than I am.

Today we were putting a puzzle together and watching SpongeBob Square Pants (Yes. This is the 2nd reference to SpongeBob. Keep count people.) when SpongeBob started ranting about Crabby Patties.

(For those of you unaware of what exactly Crabby Patties are, they are the under-the-sea answer to fastfood burgers. SpongeBob himself is the burger flipper and, from what I understand, he lives entirely off of Crabby Patties.)

Me: "What exactly are Crabby Patties made out of?"

Kam: After a few careful moments of consideration, "Meat."

Me: "Well, yeah. But what kind of meat?"

Kam: "Hamburger."

Me: "But how do they get the cows down to the bottom of the sea? And had do they kill it and grind up the meat? I mean, SpongeBob lives in a pineapple. That's pretty small compared to a cow. I don't even think it's possible. How could it be cow?"

Kam: With the most incredulous look on a small persons face that I have ever seen, "I don't know, Jessie. I'm only 6-years-old! I don't have all the answers. That's your job."

Me: "Oh."

Kam: "So?"

Me: "So, what?"

Kam: "How do they get the cows down there?"

Me: I thought for awhile on the topic then nodded sage-like and announced, "I'm not entirely sure it's really cows at all."

Kam: "Then what is it?"

Me: "Crab?"

Kam: "No. The Crabby Patty owner is a crab."

Me: "Soylent Green is people!"

Kam: Silence

Me: Silence

Kam: "It's cow."

Me: "Okay."

I later tried to regain my all-knowing status by giving a lecture on how life is like a puzzle, if you take a moment to study the situation the pieces will just fall into place while if you just start shoving two random pieces together blindly then...shit gets all fucked up. He didn't seem to appreciate this speech much either.
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12:30 AM

Massaging therapy is the ancient art of healing. It involves rubbing of the soft tissue of your body which improves blood circulation.  



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