<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d28187594\x26blogName\x3dMy+Epidemic\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dSILVER\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://myepidemic.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://myepidemic.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-5693229066897537647', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

My Epidemic

I'm smiling. That alone should scare you.


Busty Cops II

I got stuck at home last night. It was a combo of snow, shitty tires, a sick mother and bored 6-year-old. It sucked. My first night in 3 weeks I had the option to go out and I was sitting at home building a lego-racer and diligently placing the racing stripe stickers were my nephew directed.

When the kid finally drifted off into his peacefull lego dreams, I settled in next to my mom and watched her flick through the channels restlessly. When I say restlessly I mean how a 90-year-old blind woman restlessly rumages the articles of the tv guide by pain-stainkingly reading each page, assessing it's grammar and then moving on to the next.

When my mother's ministrations landed on the HBO channel featuring the nightly titty special, I laughed quietly to myself.
"Busty Cops II."
"Yup," I snickered.
She read the plot information outloud, " 'Voluptous vixens travel back in time to defend and enforce justice'."
"I heard it won a bunch of awards."
"Really?" She sounded interested now. "Well then."

With my nephew on the couch next to me and my dad reading his latest novel on the life of Jesus Christ in the chair between us, my Mom flicked the channels to Busty Cops II and shot off the couch in horror.

I laughed till I was in tears as the dogs began howling in unisons at the moans and grunts coming from the tv. The big screen tv.

Two huge breasted (I mean huge. These things were like pumpkins glued to these women's chests.) bounced up and down on a very happy guy, but not very attractive (Do you ever notice the guys in porn aren't really that attractive?) while some cheesy special effect lights formed a tunnel around them. If I were to venture a guess I'd have to say they were travelling back in time at that point in the scintillating Busy Cop plot line.

My mom struggled with the new universal remote she'd so proudly acquired earlier in the day, while my dad bore a look of absolute disgust. I rolled to the floor and nearly pissed my pants.

When the room was plunged in silence, the only noise the light breathing of the still innocent 6-year-old on the couch, my mom sent a look my way that openly suggested I hide my face in shame. Instead, I rubbed the fat tears from eyes, lurched to my feet still holding my stomach in mirth and announced, "Well, that made my night." And made my way to bed.

Once again the Busty Cops came to the rescue on an otherwise shitty Saturday night. Now I realize why adolescent boys love them so.

Labels:

« Home | Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »

11:29 PM

HBO and Cinemax rock on Friday night.

I got six months free when I moved. I can't tear my eyes away.  



» Post a Comment