The Return of The Asshole
I was leaving work a few nights ago when I received a text message from Chris. It was two sentences: Asshole called me. I’m freaking out.
Frankly, I wasn’t surprised. We all expected Asshole to come crawling back when he realized he isn’t nearly as hot as he seemed to think. AND that Chris is way too good for his pig-ass. I call him a pig for several reasons: 1) he’s pigheaded, 2) he’s chauvinistic & 3) he’s fat.
I was thoroughly upset for her but didn’t really see anything I could do about it. So, I headed to the gym.
Walking into the gym 15 minutes later, I received another message: Don’t go into the gym. I’m on break in a few. We have to talk. I’m freaking out.
Okay. A hold on the gym then. So I wandered to Blockbuster. (See previous post for Blockbuster adventure.)
Two hours later, she called to tell me the whole horrible story.
Asshole had showed up at her new job. He shouldn’t have even known where she was working. But he did.
Stalker? Probably.
And when she didn’t answer his calls, Asshole marched up to the front desk of the secure building and told the security officers he was Chris’ brother and there had been a family emergency.
Chris flipped out when she got the message, ran to the front expecting to see her older brother and instead saw Asshole.
At this point (I informed her very vividly later) she should have spun on her heels, told the Security Personnel that Asshole was an ex who had been giving her trouble and to have him escorted out and banned from the premises. However, she didn’t.
Instead, she agreed to meet him on her break (when she should have been calling me!) and listened to him apologize and whine and moan about how so sorry he was and lonely and in love with her and any other bullshit he could whip out of his plump ass at the time.
How dare a guy that thought sending tampons in a Fed-Ex package was an acceptable way to break off a 2-year relationship come crawling back saying he’s always loved her!
What?!
Tampons = Love!? What kind of fucked up equation is that!
Someone PLEASE explain to me what the hell Asshole is thinking. PLEASE!
And then everyone else pray that Chris does the right thing and cuts off his balls. Spare the rest of the female population the trouble.
Hell. If she doesn’t do it I’d be glad to step up and take one for the team.
Check back for ball-snipping updates.
Frankly, I wasn’t surprised. We all expected Asshole to come crawling back when he realized he isn’t nearly as hot as he seemed to think. AND that Chris is way too good for his pig-ass. I call him a pig for several reasons: 1) he’s pigheaded, 2) he’s chauvinistic & 3) he’s fat.
I was thoroughly upset for her but didn’t really see anything I could do about it. So, I headed to the gym.
Walking into the gym 15 minutes later, I received another message: Don’t go into the gym. I’m on break in a few. We have to talk. I’m freaking out.
Okay. A hold on the gym then. So I wandered to Blockbuster. (See previous post for Blockbuster adventure.)
Two hours later, she called to tell me the whole horrible story.
Asshole had showed up at her new job. He shouldn’t have even known where she was working. But he did.
Stalker? Probably.
And when she didn’t answer his calls, Asshole marched up to the front desk of the secure building and told the security officers he was Chris’ brother and there had been a family emergency.
Chris flipped out when she got the message, ran to the front expecting to see her older brother and instead saw Asshole.
At this point (I informed her very vividly later) she should have spun on her heels, told the Security Personnel that Asshole was an ex who had been giving her trouble and to have him escorted out and banned from the premises. However, she didn’t.
Instead, she agreed to meet him on her break (when she should have been calling me!) and listened to him apologize and whine and moan about how so sorry he was and lonely and in love with her and any other bullshit he could whip out of his plump ass at the time.
How dare a guy that thought sending tampons in a Fed-Ex package was an acceptable way to break off a 2-year relationship come crawling back saying he’s always loved her!
What?!
Tampons = Love!? What kind of fucked up equation is that!
Someone PLEASE explain to me what the hell Asshole is thinking. PLEASE!
And then everyone else pray that Chris does the right thing and cuts off his balls. Spare the rest of the female population the trouble.
Hell. If she doesn’t do it I’d be glad to step up and take one for the team.
Check back for ball-snipping updates.
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on 8.6.06 at 5:56 PM.
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