A Botched Assassination
Between all the occupants of my house and I, we have three dogs. One day instead of being a crazy cat lady, I will be the crazy dog lady that dresses her animals in Xmas sweaters. As it is, a fourth dog has invaded the house while a Boston Terrier Rescue program finds her a home. Four dogs. All under 40-lbs. It doesn’t sound like that bad of an idea in a big house, until they all want to sit in your lap. The weight adds up fast when you find yourself under four layers of dog.
The biggest, Mansfield, is probably the fattest Boston terrier I’ve ever encountered. He looks like a black and white pot bellied pig with bat ears, and eyes that always seem to be rolled back in his head…watching you. He eyes you from his position a foot off the floor and you know he’s just waiting for you to turn away so he can tackle you from behind and rifle through your pockets for forgotten candy. But while Mansfield is probably the roughest and most dominate of the dogs, he's also the biggest baby. Lots of dogs are scared of storms, but Manny is terrified. He cries and shakes and tries valiantly to place himself between you and the thunder but then ends up running to hide under the closest piece of furniture when the inevitable BOOM rocks the house. And as it happens, last night there was a huge storm.
As I retreated to bed with my own dog (the smallest of them all) under one arm, I noticed there were two large lumps in my bed. When I put Wookie down and started maneuvering my way towards the mound of pillows, I noticed the unfamiliar bumps were shifting with me. I tossed back the covers to find Mansfield and Wendy (the foster Boston, who is only slightly smaller than Manny) hiding from the thunder. My poor Queen bed had been overrun by hounds.
It took about 20minutes of shifting and maneuvering the whining fatties before I found a small space between the two where I could sleep. Unfortunately, it required my spine being curved into an S-shape for most of the night while Wookie slept wound around my neck like a little black scarf. Normally I wouldn’t have minded having the other dogs sleep with me, except for the fact that they have allergies and tend to snort even when they’re awake. Between Mansfield’s deep snores and Wendy’s short, raspy ones, I got little to no sleep last night.
But the dogs are not the only ones with allergies. Oh no. I’m also allergic to trees and weeds, which makes Spring a hell of a time for me.
When I came home this afternoon for a shower before running to work, I took a short break to greet all the dogs. Wendy’s usual greeting lasts only a few seconds of sniffing and licking particular parts of my face and hands…sometimes the bottoms of my shoes. But today, Wendy thought it necessary to pin me to the floor and lick my entire face several times. I sat patiently for a few moments before I pushed her off and headed for the shower.
About…15 minutes later I started sneezing uncontrollably. My face itched something fierce and my eyes were watering uncontrollably. I thought maybe my face was just dry and I’d sniffed something my body didn’t like, until I went to the bathroom to moisturize and I realized my entire face was swelling…and changing color. Half-an-hour before I was supposed to be downtown and I looked like an Asian tomato with bright red eyes. I started to laugh, then sneeze, then sniff, then sneeze some more, the entire time my face was burning and itching until I wanted to rub it against something like a fucking cat in heat.
I popped my neglected allergy medicine, frantically rubbed some aloevera on my face and hoped for the best. Thankfully, ten minutes later the swelling had stopped and even started to go down some, my face could pass as only mildly flushed if I packed on the makeup and I was driving down to work with my dark sunglasses on to mask my sudden stoner appearance. By the time I reached work my face only looked somewhat bloated (which I blamed on my time of the month) and the itching/sneezing sensation could be avoided with chugging lots of water and subtly massaging my face because of a "crazy migraine." Crisis averted…though Chris thought it was hilarious when I called her in transit. Fucker.
The best I can figure, Wendy was trying to assassinate me so she could take over the bed...
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=826364224169251641
The biggest, Mansfield, is probably the fattest Boston terrier I’ve ever encountered. He looks like a black and white pot bellied pig with bat ears, and eyes that always seem to be rolled back in his head…watching you. He eyes you from his position a foot off the floor and you know he’s just waiting for you to turn away so he can tackle you from behind and rifle through your pockets for forgotten candy. But while Mansfield is probably the roughest and most dominate of the dogs, he's also the biggest baby. Lots of dogs are scared of storms, but Manny is terrified. He cries and shakes and tries valiantly to place himself between you and the thunder but then ends up running to hide under the closest piece of furniture when the inevitable BOOM rocks the house. And as it happens, last night there was a huge storm.
As I retreated to bed with my own dog (the smallest of them all) under one arm, I noticed there were two large lumps in my bed. When I put Wookie down and started maneuvering my way towards the mound of pillows, I noticed the unfamiliar bumps were shifting with me. I tossed back the covers to find Mansfield and Wendy (the foster Boston, who is only slightly smaller than Manny) hiding from the thunder. My poor Queen bed had been overrun by hounds.
It took about 20minutes of shifting and maneuvering the whining fatties before I found a small space between the two where I could sleep. Unfortunately, it required my spine being curved into an S-shape for most of the night while Wookie slept wound around my neck like a little black scarf. Normally I wouldn’t have minded having the other dogs sleep with me, except for the fact that they have allergies and tend to snort even when they’re awake. Between Mansfield’s deep snores and Wendy’s short, raspy ones, I got little to no sleep last night.
But the dogs are not the only ones with allergies. Oh no. I’m also allergic to trees and weeds, which makes Spring a hell of a time for me.
When I came home this afternoon for a shower before running to work, I took a short break to greet all the dogs. Wendy’s usual greeting lasts only a few seconds of sniffing and licking particular parts of my face and hands…sometimes the bottoms of my shoes. But today, Wendy thought it necessary to pin me to the floor and lick my entire face several times. I sat patiently for a few moments before I pushed her off and headed for the shower.
About…15 minutes later I started sneezing uncontrollably. My face itched something fierce and my eyes were watering uncontrollably. I thought maybe my face was just dry and I’d sniffed something my body didn’t like, until I went to the bathroom to moisturize and I realized my entire face was swelling…and changing color. Half-an-hour before I was supposed to be downtown and I looked like an Asian tomato with bright red eyes. I started to laugh, then sneeze, then sniff, then sneeze some more, the entire time my face was burning and itching until I wanted to rub it against something like a fucking cat in heat.
I popped my neglected allergy medicine, frantically rubbed some aloevera on my face and hoped for the best. Thankfully, ten minutes later the swelling had stopped and even started to go down some, my face could pass as only mildly flushed if I packed on the makeup and I was driving down to work with my dark sunglasses on to mask my sudden stoner appearance. By the time I reached work my face only looked somewhat bloated (which I blamed on my time of the month) and the itching/sneezing sensation could be avoided with chugging lots of water and subtly massaging my face because of a "crazy migraine." Crisis averted…though Chris thought it was hilarious when I called her in transit. Fucker.
The best I can figure, Wendy was trying to assassinate me so she could take over the bed...
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=826364224169251641
Labels: Completely Unrelated Rantings
This entry was posted
on 27.5.06 at 5:43 PM.
You can skip to the end and leave a response.
» Post a Comment