Boyfriend's Goods
Well, I'm bored at work. The goddamn phone won't stop ringing (It's not my job to answer it so don't panic.) and I'm trying hard not to let today's Cancer revelations drag me down into my own pathetic puddle of self-pity.
So I've decided to pick a topic and let the creative juices flow...
Let's see...topic...topic...oh. Okay.
Boyfriend. (An issue that has plagued my life for years.)
I realize I've mentioned him mostly in passing until recently, but that's kind of how our relationship has been lately, "in passing." If you'd have caught me last month I'd probably have described it something more like, "the relationship that just won't fucking die already!" But for some reason it's different now.
Don't know why.
Don't know if I should really care.
The way I see it, if some thing's working don't fucking poke at it. Wait till its dead to do that.
Thing is, before we started hanging out again (about 2weeks ago) I laid down the don't-need-or-want-a-relationship-right-now-so-don't-push-it-or-kiss-this-ass-goodbye law. And all has been perfect since.
We hang out. We chat like old buddies. We don't feel obligated to ditch our friends on the weekends so we can have "couple time." Perfect.
But now he wants to ruin our perfect arrangement. He wants to get back together.
So here I am, assessing a 4-year relationship and debating whether to just flee.
The Boyfriend's Goods:
*Comfortable
*Stable
*Looks sexy as hell in his uniform
*Determined not to fuck up this time around
*Knows all my favorite movies/comfortfoods/positions
*My family loves him
*He's like an institution amongst my friends
*He has the quirkiest way of looking at things
(example: Me - "I have no ass." Him - "Don't worry, Babe. You'll grow one some day.")
*He makes friends every where he goes
*Has no problem with my friends and I discussing his huge penis right in front of him
The many Aspects of the Boyfriend's shittyness:
*Comfortable
*Has the weirdest thing against thongs, cheese and American-made cars
*My family loves him
*He is crazy possessive. He's incredibly insecure about other guys being in my immediate vicinity.
*He talks to complete strangers like they're old friends...and they actually talk back!
*When he's stressed he takes everything that's wrong in his life out on poor little me
*His entire family is completely insane and I'm afraid I'll catch it like an STD or something
*He has this nasty habit of ALWAYS SAYING THE WRONG THINGS at the WRONG TIME!
(There are lots of examples of this but my favorite was when he went into great detail about how a heterosexual guy wishing to dabble in anal sex with a woman is just too "much of a pussy to own up to being gay"...while we're EATING DINNER with my friend and her boyfriend...who enjoy anal)
*No matter what restaurant we're in, he never looks at the menu just asks: "Do you have just a cheeseburger?"
*His best friends are the weirdest/laziest/gayest bunch of fuckers I've ever met
So that's about it.
You know, that list did absolutely nothing for me. Damnit!
PS
I've added a link to a blog article about love that pretty much sums up exactly how I feel about the whole issue right now. It's entitled, "Love Is A Cunt." Amen.
So I've decided to pick a topic and let the creative juices flow...
Let's see...topic...topic...oh. Okay.
Boyfriend. (An issue that has plagued my life for years.)
I realize I've mentioned him mostly in passing until recently, but that's kind of how our relationship has been lately, "in passing." If you'd have caught me last month I'd probably have described it something more like, "the relationship that just won't fucking die already!" But for some reason it's different now.
Don't know why.
Don't know if I should really care.
The way I see it, if some thing's working don't fucking poke at it. Wait till its dead to do that.
Thing is, before we started hanging out again (about 2weeks ago) I laid down the don't-need-or-want-a-relationship-right-now-so-don't-push-it-or-kiss-this-ass-goodbye law. And all has been perfect since.
We hang out. We chat like old buddies. We don't feel obligated to ditch our friends on the weekends so we can have "couple time." Perfect.
But now he wants to ruin our perfect arrangement. He wants to get back together.
So here I am, assessing a 4-year relationship and debating whether to just flee.
The Boyfriend's Goods:
*Comfortable
*Stable
*Looks sexy as hell in his uniform
*Determined not to fuck up this time around
*Knows all my favorite movies/comfortfoods/positions
*My family loves him
*He's like an institution amongst my friends
*He has the quirkiest way of looking at things
(example: Me - "I have no ass." Him - "Don't worry, Babe. You'll grow one some day.")
*He makes friends every where he goes
*Has no problem with my friends and I discussing his huge penis right in front of him
The many Aspects of the Boyfriend's shittyness:
*Comfortable
*Has the weirdest thing against thongs, cheese and American-made cars
*My family loves him
*He is crazy possessive. He's incredibly insecure about other guys being in my immediate vicinity.
*He talks to complete strangers like they're old friends...and they actually talk back!
*When he's stressed he takes everything that's wrong in his life out on poor little me
*His entire family is completely insane and I'm afraid I'll catch it like an STD or something
*He has this nasty habit of ALWAYS SAYING THE WRONG THINGS at the WRONG TIME!
(There are lots of examples of this but my favorite was when he went into great detail about how a heterosexual guy wishing to dabble in anal sex with a woman is just too "much of a pussy to own up to being gay"...while we're EATING DINNER with my friend and her boyfriend...who enjoy anal)
*No matter what restaurant we're in, he never looks at the menu just asks: "Do you have just a cheeseburger?"
*His best friends are the weirdest/laziest/gayest bunch of fuckers I've ever met
So that's about it.
You know, that list did absolutely nothing for me. Damnit!
PS
I've added a link to a blog article about love that pretty much sums up exactly how I feel about the whole issue right now. It's entitled, "Love Is A Cunt." Amen.
Labels: Completely Unrelated Rantings, The Boyfriend (duh Duh DUH)
This entry was posted
on 14.6.06 at 10:29 PM.
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