Why I Should Rule The World
1. I would ban Ben Affleck, Kevin Federline, Paris Hilton, Richard Geere and all other douchebags from the entertainment industry.
2. I would have color coded minions so I wouldn't have to remember all their names.
3. I would bitchslap any religiously-crazed nutjobs who think to clense their little piece of MY WORLD. (That includes you Bush. Watch yourself.)
4. I would make it okay for fat models to be on tv and in magazines.
5. I would personally fund the making of an Underworld 3,4 and 5
6. I would make it so all hot men had to walk around with their shirts off between 9 and 5...to make the work day more enjoyable for all of us.
7. I would not work the night shift so I could enjoy the hot, shirtless men.
8. I would put all the people I don't like on one island so they can rip eachother apart for my amusement.
9. I would put more money into the development of new energy sources...you know, so the entire world economy doesn't crash when we run out of fossil fuels
10. I would put more money in the space agency so if the fossil fuels do run out we'll just find another planet to destroy.
11. I would take all those God-damn reality television shows off the air and put quality cartoons back on for kids.
12. I would also impliment a rule that every adult must watch atleast 1hour of cartoons a week so the rigid tight-asses in the world learn to loosen up.
13. I would kick all the richkids that have never had to work for a living out of Mommy and Daddy's house and make them live on the streets a couple years so they see what life is really like.
14. I would put to death who ever came up with the idea for that damn MTV show 'The O.C.' TO DEATH!
15. I would donate atleast 15% of each stockbrocker's, VP's and wealthy buisnessmen's overblown paychecks to all the firefighters, policeofficers, servicemen and the rest of the underpaid emergency responce personel in this county so our kids would have oportunities for jobs that actually serve our country rather than chop it up and sell it off in pieces.
16. I would outlaw mullets and tummy shirts if you're over 150 lbs.
17. I would make sure bluecolar criminals are put on the same cellblocks as the men that were never even given a chance to earn a bluecolar.
18. I would make it mandatory that if you make over $60,000 a year you must put in atleast 6hours of community service every three months.
19. I would take atleast 6 husbands. Three of which would be from Scotland.
20. I would pool the international community's resources and spread them more evenly.
21. I would put all those really smart people on three seperate teams. The green team. The blue team and the red team. And make them compete against eachother to see who can find the cure first for: cancer, AIDS and stupidity.
22. I would make my Dad, Oprah, Angelina Jolie and John Stewart my advisors.
23. I would make every community center in the world have: a. driving simulator to make old people think they're driving thus preventing old-people-caused accidents, b. a STD testing room and c. a jacuzzi...cause eveyone who works hard needs access to a jacuzzi
24. I would legalize prostitution but make all streetwalkers get tested every week for STD's and have a license they'll need to carry
25. I would legalize pot b/c it just isn't worth the trouble anymore of enforcing laws nobody really pays attention to.
26. I would make a law that forbid the marriage of two parties under the age of 25. AND that anyone else wishing to get married (regardless of race or gender) has lived under the same roof for atleast 6months. Thus decreasing the rising rate of divorces.
27. I would make the NewYorkTimes include atleast one Cosmo quiz in every issue.
28. I would make Astrology a major.
29. I would make it so no clothes (no matter how "hot" or "couture") cost more than $50. That includes shoes.
30. I would have already built the Freedom Tower at ground zero.
31. I would Knight the guys that write Southpark.
32. I would impliment a law that any man that has two or more children with two or more different women and cannot keep up on the child-support payments, be castrated.
33. I would put an end to arranged marriages...'cause comeon...that just sucks. And PS, Daddy doesn't always know best.
34. I would make blogging a national pasttime.
35. I would change the name of American Football to "Pigskin Humping." So as to avoid confussion with European Football...which actually involves the sole use of your feet.
36. I would make it cool to have braces. (I've never had them but they're so cute.)
37. I would outlaw THE VIEW. Die View, Die!
38. I would put Star Jones on the aforementioned island of people I don't like.
39. I would encourage the building of cool treehouses as residential homes, like the one in The Swiss Family Robinson.
40. Chuck Norris would be my bodyguard.
41. I would require random drugtesting in all movie sets, recording studios and sports arenas.
42. I would personally produce a Ms. Drag USA pageant.
2. I would have color coded minions so I wouldn't have to remember all their names.
3. I would bitchslap any religiously-crazed nutjobs who think to clense their little piece of MY WORLD. (That includes you Bush. Watch yourself.)
4. I would make it okay for fat models to be on tv and in magazines.
5. I would personally fund the making of an Underworld 3,4 and 5
6. I would make it so all hot men had to walk around with their shirts off between 9 and 5...to make the work day more enjoyable for all of us.
7. I would not work the night shift so I could enjoy the hot, shirtless men.
8. I would put all the people I don't like on one island so they can rip eachother apart for my amusement.
9. I would put more money into the development of new energy sources...you know, so the entire world economy doesn't crash when we run out of fossil fuels
10. I would put more money in the space agency so if the fossil fuels do run out we'll just find another planet to destroy.
11. I would take all those God-damn reality television shows off the air and put quality cartoons back on for kids.
12. I would also impliment a rule that every adult must watch atleast 1hour of cartoons a week so the rigid tight-asses in the world learn to loosen up.
13. I would kick all the richkids that have never had to work for a living out of Mommy and Daddy's house and make them live on the streets a couple years so they see what life is really like.
14. I would put to death who ever came up with the idea for that damn MTV show 'The O.C.' TO DEATH!
15. I would donate atleast 15% of each stockbrocker's, VP's and wealthy buisnessmen's overblown paychecks to all the firefighters, policeofficers, servicemen and the rest of the underpaid emergency responce personel in this county so our kids would have oportunities for jobs that actually serve our country rather than chop it up and sell it off in pieces.
16. I would outlaw mullets and tummy shirts if you're over 150 lbs.
17. I would make sure bluecolar criminals are put on the same cellblocks as the men that were never even given a chance to earn a bluecolar.
18. I would make it mandatory that if you make over $60,000 a year you must put in atleast 6hours of community service every three months.
19. I would take atleast 6 husbands. Three of which would be from Scotland.
20. I would pool the international community's resources and spread them more evenly.
21. I would put all those really smart people on three seperate teams. The green team. The blue team and the red team. And make them compete against eachother to see who can find the cure first for: cancer, AIDS and stupidity.
22. I would make my Dad, Oprah, Angelina Jolie and John Stewart my advisors.
23. I would make every community center in the world have: a. driving simulator to make old people think they're driving thus preventing old-people-caused accidents, b. a STD testing room and c. a jacuzzi...cause eveyone who works hard needs access to a jacuzzi
24. I would legalize prostitution but make all streetwalkers get tested every week for STD's and have a license they'll need to carry
25. I would legalize pot b/c it just isn't worth the trouble anymore of enforcing laws nobody really pays attention to.
26. I would make a law that forbid the marriage of two parties under the age of 25. AND that anyone else wishing to get married (regardless of race or gender) has lived under the same roof for atleast 6months. Thus decreasing the rising rate of divorces.
27. I would make the NewYorkTimes include atleast one Cosmo quiz in every issue.
28. I would make Astrology a major.
29. I would make it so no clothes (no matter how "hot" or "couture") cost more than $50. That includes shoes.
30. I would have already built the Freedom Tower at ground zero.
31. I would Knight the guys that write Southpark.
32. I would impliment a law that any man that has two or more children with two or more different women and cannot keep up on the child-support payments, be castrated.
33. I would put an end to arranged marriages...'cause comeon...that just sucks. And PS, Daddy doesn't always know best.
34. I would make blogging a national pasttime.
35. I would change the name of American Football to "Pigskin Humping." So as to avoid confussion with European Football...which actually involves the sole use of your feet.
36. I would make it cool to have braces. (I've never had them but they're so cute.)
37. I would outlaw THE VIEW. Die View, Die!
38. I would put Star Jones on the aforementioned island of people I don't like.
39. I would encourage the building of cool treehouses as residential homes, like the one in The Swiss Family Robinson.
40. Chuck Norris would be my bodyguard.
41. I would require random drugtesting in all movie sets, recording studios and sports arenas.
42. I would personally produce a Ms. Drag USA pageant.
Labels: Completely Unrelated Rantings
This entry was posted
on 22.6.06 at 12:31 AM.
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11:14 PMI have to say I'm just a cheap slut--it was the photo of the guy fishing nekked that caught my eye on one of your comments at 123ILoveYou... visiting your site, your writing is my kind of rapola and I like #18 here, also, I live in a treehouse... pop over and see it in my photo albums if you care to.
Also, for your list, every American should HAVE to live abroad for at least two years (and be forbidden to hang out with other Americans in Irish pubs).
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